By: Chase Culligan
The choices you make shape you. That has been something that’s been instilled in me for as long as I can remember, and I’m sure you’ve heard something similar. College is really important to your long-term development, something else I’m sure you’ve heard. Whether it is choosing which college you want to attend, how you get there, who you hang out with, what you eat, or what your major is, all of these decisions are impactful. Whether you make the ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ choice, negative feelings can arise. I want to highlight a few of those emotions: Shame, Uncertainty, and Anxiety.
To start, let me introduce myself. My name is Chase Culligan, and I’m a sophomore here at Goldey-Beacom College (GBC). I commute to campus nearly every day. Right now, I major in Business Administration, I am from Delaware, and I live around fifteen minutes away from GBC. Based on what little you know about me, I’d like to unpack the shame I felt around the decision to come to GBC and major in Business Administration. Let’s dive a bit deeper.
The first time I ever heard the name ‘Goldey-Beacom College’ was when I was a little kid; my grandmother had attended and graduated from GBC in the 1970s. The choice to attend GBC was one that took a few months, I was simply overwhelmed with it all. My high school was filled with students going to the University of Delaware, Cornell, Penn State, University of South Carolina, and other big-name schools everyone had heard of.
While I didn’t feel anxiousness with the initial decision of GBC, it was others’ opinions that factored into it. Whether it was a family member or friend, if they didn’t really live in Delaware, they did not know of GBC. I kept hearing, “Where is that?” This made me incredibly uneasy about my choice. Even throughout the first few months at Goldey, I wasn’t quite sure if I did make the right choice.
Even throughout the first few months at Goldey, I wasn’t quite sure if I did make the right choice. Despite this feeling of unease, I developed a group of friends I met on campus, and we hung out daily and played basketball. Additionally, I was hired as a student worker for the campus store, along with engaging in some work at the InnerSource Wellness Center down the street from GBC, which is run by professor Melvina Brown. I had quite a few classes which deeply engaged me, with Dr. Glenn, Dr. El-Attar, Professor Brown, and Dr. DiMauro. Before I knew it, all of these friendships and connections played a crucial part in making Goldey feel at home. My grades were excelling like they had never been before. I soon realized I made the best choice.
When you think of college, you typically think of living in a dorm, right? For me, I still live at home and take public transportation to college. When applying to college, I wanted to stay in Delaware to keep costs as low as possible. For most students, commuting is not bad. However, I do not have a car to drive to school. I took the bus throughout High School and would have to do the same to get to GBC, but this just felt different. The summer before my freshman year I felt a lot of shame about it because most people I knew had a car.
However, as time went on and I had more experience with the bus, it had some positive effects on me. Normally when I wait for the bus in the morning, it’s typically a forty-five-minute wait, which gives me time to look over schoolwork before I even get to campus. In the afternoon, the bus is normally running on time; however, when it is late, I complete schoolwork. For example, when I have to read and annotate a few books for a class, sitting outside waiting for the bus really helps me grind out the reading; I don’t want to kill my phone battery and I don’t like to just sit around, so the waiting has actually increased my productivity.
One of the hardest choices I had was picking my major. Coming to college, I was listed as ‘Undeclared’ because I didn’t know what I wanted to do. There was initial uncertainty and anxiety in even that decision. Everyone I went to high school with had their majors picked out, and more importantly, they had an idea of what they wanted to do with their lives. I felt shame in being an outlier, just because I hadn’t figured out my future goals yet. Comparison really was not doing me any favors. Since I was undeclared, I had enrolled in an “Intro to Business 101” course with Professor Scott Glenn. During the fifteen weeks of the course, we were shown various majors and professions often with real people Dr. Glenn knew. His guidance and leadership really helped me when I decided on my major. I finally had a major picked out: Business Administration. As I’ve gotten more involved on campus and taken more classes, I’ve really gotten a sense of possible career opportunities. Once again, I felt anxious not knowing exactly what I wanted to do. I kept wondering, “what does a business administration major translate do for a career?” I didn’t know how to answer that question.
Academically, I had been having great success with accounting, so I considered looking into careers in that field. But I still was not so sure, I felt like it was a huge commitment.
Since I had been contemplating changing majors, I was hesitant to converse with anyone at the Career Fair and that’s when I decided to strike up a conversation with an employer for a bank. I just told him what I wanted, my major predicament, and just questions I had. I felt very seen for the first time in a long time, and while I still may not know exactly what I want to do, I know there’s always options and you shouldn’t really feel trapped or handcuffed to a certain area of expertise.
College forces you to make decisions before you feel ready, but those decisions don’t define you; how you respond to them does. If there’s anything I hope others take from my experience, it’s that you don’t have to have everything figured out. You just have to keep choosing, keep learning, and keep moving.
After some reflection, all of these choices shared a few common emotions, shame, anxiety, and the unknown. and yet every one of them helped shape me into someone more confident, more adaptable, and more honest with myself. I’ve learned that these emotions aren’t a feeling that you’ve made the wrong choice; it’s often a sign you’re growing past what’s familiar, and you must embrace discomfort. Comparison is the ultimate thief of joy. College forces you to make decisions before you feel ready, but those decisions don’t define you; how you respond to them does. If there’s anything I hope others take from my experience, it’s that you don’t have to have everything figured out. You just have to keep choosing, keep learning, and keep moving. I’m not even halfway through my college experience, and as I look at internships and go to more career fairs, I promise to keep choosing, keep learning, and to keep moving. I hope you will do this too.
Goldey-Beacom College is a Equal Opportunity Employer/Program. Auxiliary aids and services are available upon request to individuals with disabilities.
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